Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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