Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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