all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
