My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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