i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
