fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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