Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
