Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
