Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
