im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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