So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
