FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
