Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
