You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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