Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
