naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
