wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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