I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize