WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
3pm strippers are depressing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
