Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
