Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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