Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
