Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
