We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
