So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
