The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
