I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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