a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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