I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
