Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
