don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
