I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize