I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
