Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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