I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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