I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
