so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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