i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
