Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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