Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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