It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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