Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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