There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
well you can't waste a boner
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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