My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
