No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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