I didn't shave. On purpose
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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