Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
