Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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