So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
