i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
