You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize