I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
