Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
