Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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