So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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