she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
