moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
