I can text with my tongue
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
