Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
