I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
