worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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