did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
