Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
