WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
