You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
