i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
